An Odd Day in Konoha
by Hippocratic-Promises
Summary: Naruto expirences the oddest day in konohas history... re writeing the rest of it due to a small accedent
1. Chapter 1

Naruto woke up and shook the sleep out of his eyes

"Damn that's the last time I trust choji's fucking drugs" he murmured " all I wanted was a Tylenol then he goes on about a red pill and how he wanted to show me how a fucking hole went… god he must have been so cranked up!"

Naruto got out of bed.

He looked around for his clothes but he couldn't find his usual orange suit

" Eh looks like im wearn' the birthday suit today" naruto said as he walked out his door…Butt naked

He got outside and breathed in the crisp morning air.

"Damnnn it's a bit nippley out tonight maybe I shoulda wore my ramen scented undies at least. Ah fuck it " he decided what have cloths done for me anyway?"

He went out the door to find a shocked looking hinata behind a small pole by his house.

Oddly she had a large telescope, binoculars, a camera and what looked like a radio pointed by his window.

"Hey beoch!" naruto screamed, " Get your tight lil ass ova here!!"

Hintata shirked and started towards him

"N-n-n-n-n-n-n-" she started but before the dazed shinobi could form the fricken' word naruto took her by the arm and yanked her by his house

" Get your lil ass up my stairs and make me some breakfast beoch!"

" Oh naruto-kun that's just how my parents talk to each other before my father storms out on his drunken rages! You must really care for me," she stammered

" Dose big daddy naruto have to keep his pimp hand strong on you bitch get the fuck up there!" he swatted her away.

He continued on waiting to see what the day had in store for him.

He saw sakura cruching by some bushes oddly close to were the Uchia clan lived

"Hey sakura-chan whats up girl?" he said ashe leaned up against the wall

Sakura turned around and twitched for about 3 seconds and thew up apon seeing naruto's naked persona

"What THE FUCK NARUTARD?!?!" She Screamed As she tried toget the vomit off her dress.

"Yeah i know your impressed alot of people are..." Naruto nonchalantly stated

"What do you want you Baka?!"

Naruto Chuckled and said" Sakura Sakura Sakura... You Nieve girl... Its not what I want but what you NEED baby.."

Sakura decided she didnt want what doctor Naruto Perscribed for her and kicked his ass outa her life.

Mean while at the shinobi academy

The kids waited quietly for their favorite teacher to come in

" Sensei is never this late guys what's the deal?" one child stated

" I hope he's alright!" another inconsequential nobody squealed.

The door slammed open.

A shaggy looking shikamaru swaggered into the classroom

"Hey guys we are going to start off with a quiet study hall teacher's head feels like some one was chewing on it, but so help me god if one of you little ass hats says one word I will be sure to fucking castrate every one of you!"

So the children worked and worked.

Shikamaru slept off his headache

At about midday a brave lad came to rouse his teacher

"Um sensei can you help me with this jutsu"

Shikamaru swatted the little bastard away and threw a deadly shuriken at his tender little skull.

It landed with a satisfying wet "thump" sound

"Well kids I hope you all have learned a valuable lesion don't you ever wake me after I have been out on all night binge you little asshats!"

Shikamaru went back to sleep.

Under a desk a small child whined, " I want to go home!!"


	2. flashback?

Kakashi and jiraya came out of the whore house

"man dude those chicks were hot!" jiraya stammered

"eh ive seen better…" kakashi stated

" your mom dosent count Cockshi!" jiraya hooted

"Yea well why don't you try her out cock boy? Shes around 80 years old just like you!"

they stoped their fighting as they saw a figure walk out of the gay bar

"Oh my fucking god you fag what were you doing in there?!?" jiraya yelled

"Homoo… I always new you were a fag!" kakashi laughed

"sob YOU GUYS ARE SO MEANNNN" A disgruntled Gai stammered and ran away like a sobering school girl

Naruto landed roughly 700miles from were sakura kicked his ass

He landed in a big ware house

"Jesus Sakura has to lay off the roids!" Naruto thought to himself.

He looked around. And suddenly a wave of dipare hit him

"Oh god no this isint were I think I am is it…"

" NARUTO KUN!!!"

'fuck me..."

Rock lee came out of the shadows

He was wareing a pink fuzzy robe and pink fuzzy slippers and a very moldy looking green suit underneath it

"YOUR JUST IN TIME TO PAINT NAILS AND TALK ABOUT BOYS WITH US WE BAKED COOKIES!!!"

"Us?" naruto thought he looked over and saw 3 teddy bares and Itachi Uchia putting on nail polish

"ITS TIME TO DANCE NARUTO KUN!" itachi squeeled and pulled out a boom box and turned on the scaryest thing naruto had ever heard

"Y M C A!!! WEEE" the two sqeeled as naruto ran for his life


	3. Chapter 3

I just want to give a shout out to my readers…. hmm this chapter is so good I should get about 4 people reading today lol enjoy

Naruto skidded to a halt after running roughly 42 miles from Rock lee and Uchia Itachi.

"Jesus Christ has every one gone insane today?!?" naruto screamed " if one more Fucked up thing happens to me again I swear to god I'm going to burn this motha fucking city down!! BELIVE IT!!!" He screamed as he manically laughed "HEETHEEEHEEEHEEHEEH " he giggled.

Ya what a fag.

As Naruto was giggling Manically garaa jumped from his perch on a nearby tree

"Hello Uzamaki Naruto"

"Jesus fucking Christ why were you up in that tree for this whole time??" naruto squealed

"Eh I live up there" Gaara nonchalantly stated as he pointed behind his back at the tree were all naruto saw was a bunch of dirty underwear and a dazed looking kankuro and temari

" arnt you the mother fucking kazekage?!?!?"

"yeaaa but the people of the sand can take care of themselves right?'

We interrupt this story to say the village hidden in the sand is now burnt to the ground by crazed Gaara groupies' thank you back to the story

"Oh Crap…." Garra wined.

"Way to go shit head ill see yea in hell I m getting my gasoline and a big match to set this hizzle ablaze…"

Guy sat huddled in a dark ally way

"Sniffle…Those. Sniffled…Guys are…. Sob… SO MEAAANNN" Guy sobbed

" Now now its okay sensei"

"W-who…?"

A boy around the age of 15 stepped out of the shadows

It was Sai

"Your part of Kakashi's team?"

"That's right" Sai said soothingly as he started patting guy on the shoulder

"DUDE What the FUCK are you doing no fucking one lays a finger on me for under 2 grand!!! " he yelled and drop kicked Sai Roughly Several hundred miles

"Jesus Christ I think im safe in here" Sauske panted

Sauske had ran all day from sakura and her crazed snooping it had led him to the konoha Asylum.

"Well that lil lunatic wont come near this place or else shell be committed again…"

Sauske Giggled as he remembered the last time sakura screamed as the men in the white coats took her away.

"Good times he thought"

Just as he was lost in his thoughts some crazed looking little man with a weird ass hat came up to him

Sauske noticed.

"Umm whats up?"

The weirdo just stared a vacant cross-eyed stare as he stood there with his tong out with a tad bit of drool rolled down his cheek

"Uhhh I like your hat" sauske said

"YOU NO TAKE ASS HAT!!!"

"Jigga-What?" sauske thought as the weirdo came at him screaming" POTOOTOOO!!!"

Well that's about that for this time


	4. Chapter 4

Naruto ran out of the smoldering ramen shop

"Naruto w-why??! I thought we were bros!" the old man who owned the ramen shop screeched

"Hey man I am feed up with this craziness when I saw that you were cooking your daughter alive in my ramen what did you think id do if I said right before' Next weird ass thing I'm taking down this village'?!"

"WHY NARUTO WHYYYYY?!" was the old mans last words as he was consumed in a blazing inferno.

"Well time to move on to the next fire site…" naruto cheerfully hummed.

Hinata got up from a kitchen stove very woozy.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-What happened?" Hinata stuttered.

Hinata no matter what always stuttered

Those speech classes must not have helped.

At all.

Hinata's sad sad story began when she met Neji

" Hello 'Brother' Neji! I am-"

"YOU'RE A MAIN BRANCH NAZI YEA WHAT ARE YOU, GONNA SAY YOUR BETTER THAN ME?!? HUH HUH?!?!?!?!"

"What?" Hinata asked (She was very confused)

"YOU HEARD ME WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR MAIN BRANCH POSEY GO AND KICK SOME PUPPYS!!!?"

"I don't understa-"

The next statement was cut to a close as Neji slapped Hinata's ass out the door.

She stuttered ever since.

She got up and looked around.

She didn't know were she was by looking around but the smell hit her

"Oh m-m-m-my god this room smells like a used diaper mixed with 15 year old ramen!"

She looked around and saw just that.

"Yea this i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-is Naruto's house alright…." She thought

It took about several minutes for that thought to sink in.

When it did she abruptly fainted.

Choji went into his meat locker, which he kept in his room.

He looked around to see if there was something to eat.

He looked to see a big dog frozen in the back

"Alright it's the perfect time to eat Akamaru ive been saving him since naruto came back from training with Jiraya!"

He hulled out poor akamaru's carcass and got to work on eating the poor dog.

The door rung and choji took one final bite and stowed akamaru back into the meat locker.

"Come on in!" choji hollered

"Hey Choji" A scruffy looking boy popped in

'Oh hey kiba…" choji muffled as he tried to find some tick tacs to get the sent of dog out of his mouth.

"Hey have you seen akamaru around I know it's been a year since ive lost him but he's a big dog now I should have found him!!"

"Uhhhh Yeaa…." Choji squirmed

"Kiba pulled out his wallet and some pictures from inside.

"Look how Cuuuttteee he was **sniffle** he was such a trooper!"

"Oh god" choji thought.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey its been a while since I've written another chapter but my friend and all of her writing prowess has inspired me so here it Goes! DATTEBAYO! ---Sorry naru

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Yes were were we? Oh well Lets continue---

Gaara sat content sitting in his tree, admiring naruto's handy work of setting various buildings ablaze, snuggling with his Kermit the frog puppet Kankuro made for him when he accidentally crushed his prized teddy with his Ubr Sand kewlness

"Oh Kanky-Onii Chan, I love my wittle Kermmie!! " Gaara squealed

"Uhhh Gaara can we go home now I think I have some bugs crawling up my ass and Temari is really wigging out…" Kankuro mumbled

"OI who's the Kazekage here?!"

"OHHH MR DARSEY ID LOVES SOME MORE KRUMPETS!!!" Temari Shouted to a passer by as large amounts of foam dribbled down her shirt

"Gaara I think Temari needs some medical attention she may be allergic to the bark we've been eating…"

"SHE WILL EAT THE BARK AND LIKE IT AND CALL ME GARRA-SAMMA THE FRIKEN AMAZEING!!!"

'I hate my life…" Kankuro mumbled

"YEAH HOWS IT FEEL BITCH?!" Gaara Shouted in response to Kankuro's mumbling

Naruto came back from a long day of burning and anarchy spreading and he was pooped

He came to the door and realizing he never had any pants on the whole day and still had his Mr. Walrus Hat on.

"**Yawn **wow I'm so tired …being a pimp takes its toll I guess... he checked his article of clothing and realized he didn't have his house key.

"Crap… Well good thing I have a ninjutsu that will take care of all of this! Dattebayo!"

He gathered up his chakra

"Kagebushin No jutsu!" he yelled

Three clones appeared and they nodded to each other

"**Fuuma Shuriken!!" he yelled**

He held up his 'Goblet of rock" and went medieval on that Bastard door….

But he forgot that Hinata was still in there making herself right at home…

Oh snap

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Yes well I THINK Onii-Chan means brother, or big brother it could be nii-san i'm sorry I don't speak Japanese so plz don't yell at me


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